Fibre to Fabric

I am sitting here this morning on my couch, talking out loud to God, knowing that He is listening to the things that actually matter, not all my babbles. But in that, I see a book on my coffee table called From Fibre to Fabric, and I am looking at it because a friend recently came into town and we decided to stop by a secondhand bookstore just to browse. We were looking for anything that might stand out, and this book stood out to me.

I remember being a fashion design merchandising major in college. I had to take a class on Textiles, and it was one of my favorite classes. I used to have that textbook somewhere, and I hope it is just stored away, because I kept it even after the class ended. It was one of the rare books that felt like it carried real value. So it was pretty exciting to see this book, and it is a pretty book, very coffee table–ish, very tactile, very fabric–centered.

It reminds me of this question: Who are we? What are the things that we truly loved in those years, before the world kept telling us who we should be?

When I look back, I can see how I spent years chasing the corporate ladder because I thought that was what I had to do. I never loved it. It constantly left me exhausted and burned out, and it led to multiple reduction‑in‑force aka layoffs. But I thought that was what I had to be or who I had to be in this life. It took me a long time to realize that was not true.

A lot of that shift came from a big prayer I prayed around 2010, something like “Lord, I will go with wherever You call me; and do whatever you call me to do.” My obedience is not always quick though, and it’s usually not easy. I always come around, even if it takes me a while.

I am always curious what we would do, and who we would be, if we just chose our own path and stopped worrying about what the world tells us is the “right” way.

Would I be working in fashion?

Would I be working in interior design, focused on textiles and fabrics?

Or would I never be doing what I am doing now, focused on tending to my home?

Some days, I do not have the answer. I only know that I am learning to listen more closely and to trust that who I am becoming.